What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 04:15
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Labubu Is Becoming Its Own Asset Class - PYMNTS.com
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
(And it was in our own minds.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
If Sharks Don't Have Lungs Then What Are Their Nostrils Doing? - IFLScience
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
How Dragonfly will support the search for life on an uninhabitable world - NASASpaceFlight.com -
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It was going to be , some day.
We were not on the streets..
I said to her
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She wouldn,t have been !
My life is so biszare .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Marines in LA as ICE protests spread to more U.S. cities: In photos - Axios
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Asian Stocks Start Cautious, Dollar Holds Drop: Markets Wrap - Bloomberg
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
NASA tested a new SLS booster that may never fly, and the end of it blew off - Ars Technica
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why are some people afraid of monsters?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So, i spoilt her more .
I couldn’t, believe it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My family never makes their pension either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I will be 64.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was in good health!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I have no regrets .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I write beautiful poetry .
And i lived it daily.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
All the time i was locked up.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One cannot live in the past .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She married twice! .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
This is soul school!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What did i know ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So whats the point in blame.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I think the readers, may guess!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I don,t even have a pension.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She found it foreign!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ive learnt so much.
I was very sick at this time too.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Put me off passion for life!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was 9 years of age.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Who then, do I blame.?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She loved him until the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.